UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Thursday, May 23, 2002
All famous people are goddamn midgets. Whenever I see a celebrity on the street, I feeled lied to, betrayed. I am not supposed to be taller than famous people. Penelope Cruz and Tom Cruise are the lollipop guild, everyone knows that. But the lies go so much deeper: Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger, Robert Plant? Midgets; five-footers. In fact, lead singers typically have something to prove, and just like the real Napoleon, they will always be losers. Every actor, too. Harrison Ford, Keifer Sutherland, Rob Lowe, John Ritter -- MIDGETS. The cast of SNL averages 5'2". Will Ferrell, who looks like freakin' Manute Bol compared to the rest of them, is only 5'7". Comedians are tiny in general -- ankle-biters, angry little yip-dogs. I look around and all I see is a sea of scalps and hats, celebrity heads bobbing in all directions like a hairy floor. Charles Lindbergh, Tiger Woods, Loretta Swit. Grace Jones, Simon LeBon, Pierce Brosnan AND Sean Connery. Meryl Streep, James Joyce, The Rock, Gene Kelly. GODDAMN FUCKING MIDGETS.
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OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |