UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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PAGES UD MADE:

My Books Page

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My Reference Page

My Music Page

My Pictures

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

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My Flickr page

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My Last.fm page

My Amazon Wishlist




HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



Look the fuck out! It's claude le monde!



WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, May 15, 2002
 
I'm unemployed and I don't have any insurance, which means I also don't have shrink -- a commodity I am sorely in need of. Keeping my hypochondria and extreme anxiety in check is nearly impossible without outside help, and let me tell you, my friends ain't cutting it. Anyway, I could go on and on about what a bunch of nut jobs they (which probably means YOU, if you're reading this) are, but why waste the space? Instead, I'd like to deal with some of my problems by revealing a few of my more neurotic fears to you (again, the word "you" here really just means the assorted rafter-swinging, WB-cartoon looney types that I know and have slept with), with little hope of relief:
1) Despite an impressive IQ and comprehension of how none of the juicy juicy can escape when a boy puts a cappy thing on his hoo hoo, AIDS ALL THE TIME. I lived a year as an HIV-positive person in my mind. When I walked down the street that year I'd wonder why this was happening to me and when I noticed some other pedestrian on the street smiling I would think, "Easy for you to smile. YOU don't have AIDS."
2) All that sweat I'm always producing. You're soaking in it.
3) Shitting. Not the shitting itself, but doing it in any place that someone else might enter soon after me. This means that I have almost never shit at work, no matter how much I needed to go. Now that I work at home, I'm cherishing the freedom. Not playing turtle for a few months is worth the loss in earnings.
4) Getting old. I worry that I will not only be unable to cope with the loss of my looks, but that the end result of my mourning will be a little stint down at the Frances Farmer, if you know what I mean. Call me shallow if you want. You're probably ugly, anyway.
5) Not having you love me anymore.

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OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)


Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store








MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans