UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, June 19, 2002
 
Do you know this cereal ad? The setting is a suburban mall. A piece of Shredded Wheat is taking a survey. He stops a middle-class shopper in her early thirties:
----
WHEAT: Excuse me, ma'am. . . .
LADY: Yes?
WHEAT: True or false: "I enjoy frosting in the morning."
LADY: True!
   (more stuff happens, etc.)
----
And that's when all the holes in my head start gushing blood.
     I have no problem with anthropomorphic foodstuffs; they're pretty standard ad fare, and if I started questioning them. . . well, the universe might just cease to exist, I guess. So you can have your talking wheat chunks.
     What absolutely flips my shit out is that this mall lady DOESN'T EVEN THINK TWICE before saying that yes, she loooooves to eat frosting for breakfast. FROSTING! Glarrgle! This is a fit, slender, woman with a semitrendy hairdo and maybe even some capri pants. Frosting is sugar and Crisco. You don't eat frosting for breakfast, lady -- no one does. NOBODY EATS FROSTING FOR BREAKFAST! It is vital to my sanity that this one thing be true. Nobody, except maybe trailer-dwelling unemployed potheads -- but they're not even awake in the morning. So how can this wheat and lady team pretend that frosting for breakfast is normal? Instead of what it is, which is a sign of a SERIOUS EATING DISORDER. Frosting? For breakfast? Jesus fucking Christ's BALLS.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans