UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Monday, June 03, 2002
Girls, take it from me when I tell you that dating rock stars is HARD. I've been doing it for years, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder, "What kind of rock star mess have I gotten myself into now?" Take my brief fling with Liam Gallagher. I spent countless hours wrestling empty bottles of Jack Daniels from the vice-like grip he maintained even after the liquor had lulled him into a comatose slumber, and I endured endless coke binges (my own, not his) in order to stay awake on the nights he spent rambling on and on about nothing in unintelligible, low class British speak. When I had finally had enough of his stories about nights spent "pissed" starting "rows" and getting "nicked," I left Liam behind for a better life with Elliott Smith. But things hardly improved. Rock stars are sad, empty people; Elliott was so miserable that I considered slitting his wrists myself. When I realized that he had simply replaced heroin with me, an addiction so potent I feared he'd never shake it, I decided to break the cycle myself by simply disappearing without a trace. I've heard rumors that he still asks about me, and the moments when he regales old mutual friends with stories from our shared past are some of the few times he smiles. More recently, I've been dating "Howlin'" Pelle Almqvist, and I'd have to say this is the happiest I've been in years. He does for me what Iggy and Richard (Ashcroft) never could, which is simply love me for me. Perhaps it's the Swedish breeding, but Pelle has a certain softness about him that I've never found in men from this side of the pond. We've gotten quite serious, Pelle and I, and in the quiet moments after we've just made love and the shadows are making slow trails across the ceiling, I know that my latest rock star mess (and possibly my last -- I hear from friends who can't keep a secret that Mr. Almqvist has been covertly shopping around town for rings. Sorry Pelle! I promise to pretend to be surprised.) isn't a mess at all. It's a little something Pelle and I call true love.
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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |