UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Wednesday, June 05, 2002
I don't live in a tropical rain forest, nor do I live in a garbage-filled, third-world hellpit. So I think it's only fair to ask that I don't have to have GIANT FUCKING FLYING COCKROACHES invading my apartment. We were watching The Mothman Prophecies when the hideous rattling monster flew in our front window, as if the movie weren't spooky enough without a thematically appropriate 3-D visual aid.
Almost nothing scares me -- not snakes, spiders, airplanes, heights, "bad" neighborhoods, or even anthrax. But cockroaches are the stars of my own personal Carnival of Terror. I can't even look at this link without wanting to die. It is, like most phobias, irrational. I know that they cannot harm me. But I was just starting to get over my fear when somehow. . . THEY LEARNED TO FLY?!!? THE FUCK? Turns out that PW is as freaked as I am by the creatures, so we teleported into different rooms and listened as our heroic third roommate did battle with the kraken. It was ominous; loud smashing noises and curses interspersed with long peroids of silence. At one point we heard a report: "I think he's wounded!" Ugh. Should killing a bug really be a multi-step process? It took about half an hour before he was able to lure it outside and drop an anvil on it, or something. Or maybe he bribed it to leave us alone and bother the neighbors instead. I don't really want to know. All I know is that I am never going to eat food in the house or leave the windows open again. Ever. 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |