UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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We can ill afford
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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Thursday, June 20, 2002
 
In today's busy modern world, few of us have time to waste on dipshits and morons. Over the years, I've developed a near foolproof system for figuring out which people I never want to see or speak to again within five minutes of meeting them. Like, for example, any of the many guys that hang out on the street and say, "Smile," to me when I'm walking by, as if I were pissed off before, but now that some layabout who passes the day standing on the goddam corner has reminded me to look happy, my spirits will be suddenly lifted. 1) No. 2) Get a belt and an operation to have your vocal chords removed. These men believe they are charming and graceful, when often they are actually unemployable and inarticulate. Then there are the kinds of girls who think it's attractive to walk around with a layer of flesh-colored liquid caked on their faces, creating a "foundation" on which to justify my utter and immediate distaste for them. These women are the kind that think John Grisham crafts literary pearls and frat boy cum is a suitable eye make-up remover. I have nothing more to say about them. Anyone who says anything like, "We should just bomb it off the map," "I don't care who gets in 'cause I don't vote anyway," "I'm going to give part of my winnings to the church," or, "Oh yeah, I'm totally into music. I love Nickelback," deserves a swift death at the hands of a black bear. Ditto anyone who has ever stood up at a talk show taping and said to someone on the stage, "You think you look good, but you don't," or any variant on such poetry. Uh-uh. Go away. We won't serve you here.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans