UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Monday, July 29, 2002
I am ready for the chips in my brain. I am ready, ready, ready for testing. I want the banking chip, the internet chip, the television and radio receiver chips. I want the chip that connects to my optic nerve and with a tug of my earlobe superimposes a video signal over my vision. I want a telephone in my head: a microphone in a tooth and a speaker wired into my ear. I want a stun gun built into my index finger. Are you listening? I want maps. You know that Flaming Lips song I always have in my head? I want to hear it in my head. I know that these things are far off, but I'm VOLUNTEERING for testing. Skip the bunnies and rats, start drilling already! If, by accident, you turn me into a drooling vegetable, that's ok. And if, by accident, you make me into a superpowerful telekinetic mind-reader, that'd be fine too. If you can make it so I can walk through walls or turn invisible, that would be the best of all. But whatever, I don't care, just do SOMETHING to my brains! Stab, poke, cut! Insert, improve, INTENSIFY! I want to fry motherfuckers with a single glance! I want an umbrella that pops out of my shoulder, while you're at it. And I want you to hollow out my left leg and fill it with a lifetime supply of concentrated morphine so that I will never ever feel pain again.
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OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |