UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:



PAGES UD MADE:

My Books Page

My Reviews Page

My Reference Page

My Music Page

My Pictures

My Store



UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

My MySpace music page

My Flickr page

My del.icio.us page

My Last.fm page

My Amazon Wishlist




HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



Look the fuck out! It's claude le monde!



WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Tuesday, July 09, 2002
 
Rants for hire: You give me a topic, I'll blather insanely for your pleasure. Seriously, if you hadn't noticed, I've got an opinion on everything. Here -- I just asked my coworker for a topic, and after casting her eyes lazily about her desk, she spied a take-out menu. "Menus," she says, feeling triumphant. Hah! Listen up.
     If you go to a diner, why do you even bother looking at the menu? With the exception of some local specials (crabs in Maryland, grits in the South) every diner has the same goddman food. Burgers, sandwiches, eggs, pancakes. What the fuck are you expecting? Like maybe they have Lobster Thermidor? Even if they did have Lobster Thermidor, are you gonna order it from Sally's All-Nite Grub Lot? Do you even know what Lobster Thermidor is, you uncultured gimp? Put down the greasy menu and order the same damn thing you always do. No need to deliberate like you're sending a man to the gas chamber. Jesus. HURRY UP ALREADY.
     And another thing. When you tell a waiter what you want to eat, you don't have to POINT TO THE ITEM ON THE MENU LIKE HE IS SOME RETARDED FOREIGNER. And even if he is a retarded foreigner, it's not like it takes a lot of brains to be a waiter. Any fool can understand "Braised Lamb Cubes in a Tarragon Reduction with Sundried Tomato Ragout and Sherry-Dipped Polenta Shards" without your goddamn visual aid. In fact, you could probably get away with saying "I'd like the lamb" and they'll know what you're talking about. Quit pointing at the menu! Curl that finger back in! FUCKING HELL WILL YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT AND ORDER ALREADY?

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OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)


Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store








MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans