UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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We can ill afford
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is:



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UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

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My Last.fm page

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, August 21, 2002
 
Have you ever noticed that it's impossible to find a comfortable and stylish pair of sneakers? It's always one or the other.
     Have you ever noticed that Kitty Pryde (aka Shadowcat) of the X-Men never got older? She's probably still fifteen years old.
     Have you ever noticed how fucking sexy I am? How when I walk into a room, my presence attracts attention like a carrier group attracts kamikaze pilots? How even the music seems to change its tempo? Can you hear the underclothes dampening? Because I can.
     Have you ever noticed that sludge that leaks out of fast-food dumpsters? Dude. It's totally gross.
     Have you ever noticed that Alpha Flight, one of Marvel Comics' superhero teams from the 80's, not only included a midget and a paraplegic, but were from Canada? As if.
     Have you ever noticed the way zombies will climb any number of stairs to get to fresh brains? So the roof is not a safe place to run to. (Unless you have a jetpack, which you don't, because anyone with half a rat's brain can see that a jetpack would fry your damn legs off.) I recommend a fast vehicle instead; it is easy to outrun zombies in a car. But watch out when you stop to get gas, because they may be waiting behind the pump.
     Have you ever noticed how left-handed people are always crying about how it's a rightie's world and nothing is made for them? Have you ever wanted to slap them across the face with an open pair of left-handed scissors? Because if you have, you should get some serious psychiatric help -- that's a pretty violent urge, there, buddy. Why don't you just chill the fuck out?

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OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




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Buy it already. ($4)


Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans