UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Saturday, August 31, 2002
I'm sitting on my couch when I hear a bell ringing on the street outside. It sounds like a railroad crossing bell, so I stick my head out to see what it is. And what do ya know? It's the knife-sharpening truck! I'm serious. DeLuca Grinding. This guy drives up and down the street in his box truck (which as far as I can tell is made completely of plate steel and rust), ringing his bell and hoping people run out with dull knives, swords, or lawnmower blades they urgently need sharpened on this breezy Saturday afternoon. But hey, as it happens, my haircutting scissors are dull, rusty, and loose -- almost unusably so -- and they're really nice haircutting scissors, and my family's had them for so long they're approaching heirloom status, and so what the hell, why not get them fixed by Mr. Didn't-Get-The-Memo-That-It's-Not-The-1890s-Anymore? I grab the scissors and run outside, but he's already crawled most of the way up the block. I wave, hoping he'll see me spastically flapping in his rear-view, but no dice. I am left with no other choice than to disobey the most important unspoken Commandment of human history -- I have to Run With Scissors. At which point I must end my story, because the nurse just walked in and says that "internet time" will have to wait until the next transfusion is complete. Every moment is a precious gift!
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OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |