UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Tuesday, August 27, 2002
The other day, The Heat told me I was obnoxious for thowing my pennies into the storm sewer grating. Why? I just hate pennies, and you should too. They're useless, heavy, ugly, useless, and stupid; only nostalgia keeps them in circulation. So I do my part to take them OUT of circulation by putting them in the sewer, where maybe the rats can melt them into a giant copper cannon and take over the city. You know, something useful.
Remember when there was a huge penny shortage a couple of years ago? Banks were paying 55 cents for a roll of pennies. WHAT THE FUCKITTY FUCK? All of the sudden the value of a penny was variable? Our economy should have crumbled! If I hadn't been so nervous about y2k, I would have made a fucking fortune. Free money! "Hi, can I have this $100 changed into pennies? Thanks. Great. Now, here, I'd like to take advantage of your generous offer to pay 110% on the face value of pennies. Here's $100 dollars in pennies. Please give me $110. Awesome. Now, let's do that again. Mmm-hmm. Or, you can just give me the hundred dollars without the stupid penny transaction. Ok, and since I could theoretically do that forever, why don't you just put $10 million in my account and we'll call it a day. Thanks! Here's a roll of pennies for your trouble -- its value is infinite! Go buy yourself a big fat house, you big fat moron!" 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |