Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Do you need a job? May I recommend working in an office? Cause it's reallly fun! Have you ever gone to a meeting and listened to the free exchange of ideas between co-workers and friends in a relaxed and productive setting? Ever wondered how long a meeting can last without really accomplishing anything? Ever fought to keep your eyes open as you begin to learn just how uncomfortable a chair can really be? Ever choked back a violent spasm of disgust upon first swallowing the "coffee" from the urn in the middle of the table? Ever spaced out into a five-minute reverie on the origin of the word "urn?" Have you noticed how some people like to speculate at length about things THEY COULD NEVER EVER KNOW, especially in front of a large, captive, shifting, sleepy audience in a poorly ventilated room with awful chairs? Have you ever vividly imagined inflicting a lethal number of paper cuts on a dude across the table? Have you planned the trajectory of the table-vault necessary to inflict such cuts while retaining the element of surprise? Ever considered devoting your life to ergonomics as YOUR SPINE IS PULVERIZED by a chair that looked comfortable but was actually designed by evil robot alien zombie donkey-fucking fucks? Have you actually sketched out plausible designs for a machine that would inflict a lethal number of paper cuts on an entire roomful of people at once? Ever doodled plausible designs for an in-office drainage system that could handle the sudden, killing-floor outgushings of blood that would result from such a paper-cut massacre? Ever considered chewing on a cigarette to quell the violent, spasmic nicfits that take hold of your body every two minutes? Ever put a well-deserved Pepperidge Farm cookie in your sleepy mouth only to have some suit-wearing gasbag ask you a question about projected rates of blah-dee-blah, so that you can either exhale dry crumbs of awful cookie onto the table or sit there like a pud-pulling hill person, holding up one finger in the universally embarrassing gesture for "I'm such a pig hog hog that I put a whole cookie in my mouth and now you just have to stare at me while I chew my hog-cud before I can answer your viciously timed question THAT HALF THE PEOPLE HERE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND, MUCH LESS GIVE A BRAIN-EATING FUCK ABOUT!" No? Hmm. Maybe you shouldn't get an office job. Because that stuff happens all the time.
posted by Universal Donor 5:03 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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