Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Dear Reader: Why do I even bother? Yesterday I wrote something beautiful, and all I got in response was a bitchy plea for the return of my so-called partner Pussy Willow, who is even more absent than your deadbeat dad. IF SHE HASN'T POSTED IN THIS LONG, CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT? She may never post again; she'd rather watch that damn OK Go video in slo-mo until the couch collapses under the weight of her accumulated waste. You're like a sad, dumped boyfriend who keeps calling his ex "just to say hi" only to find that she's out on like the fifth date in two weeks after she told him that she just needed to "be alone." Get get get get get over it.
     Philistines! Have you been drinking mercury again, or are you so naturally dull that only a constant stream of zombie, feces, and fellatio references will satisfy you? When I caress this keyboard, truth and beauty flow from my heart to my fingertips. From there, the truth and beauty race along a bunch of wires, through internet nodes or whatever, and eventually get sprayed by an electron gun onto a phosphor-coated screen on your desk. (Or, if you're one of the many blind people who "read" my site, your dog barks at you and pees on your cuffs.) Truth and beauty. Do you appreciate the panoply of miracles that enables this transaction? Motherfucker? No, you do not. Metaphorically speaking, every time you read my site it's as if I saw off the top of your head, eat the rotten and stupid parts of your brain, and fill up the spaces with something far more useful, like pencil shavings or geodes. But you feel no gratitude, so now you are banned. If you cannot appreciate beauty, you have no right to sully my words with your dirty eyes.
     As a parting gesture to those of you who eat thermometers, here's a witty retort you can use, without attribution, at your keg parties: "suck the shit-smeared dick of the zombie hobo who just ass-raped your mom, fucktard." Wa ha ha. How frightfully funny. Are you happy? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
posted by Universal Donor 2:13 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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