Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I am sick of hearing about this guy in the Gap ad. Every girl I know is dampening her jammies over this prancing idiot just because he looks like their perfect indie-rock dream. But it's a swindle, see? He's no more indie-rock than Avril Lavigne is punk.
      In case you haven't seen it, I'll describe it for you: Standard Gap white background. "Funky" music. Guy who needs just the right amount of shave wearing tight jeans and some other disheveled Gap gear. He dances like the flamingest Broadway chorus liner you've ever seen, pulling a ridiculous windmilling arms move and a strange exaggerated stepping thing that makes him look like John Cleese in the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch. But oh, there are intermittent close-ups of his earnest, stubbly face. He's got dirty hair and the barest trace of smirk. His eyes say "I won't break your heart, babe. Let's get sloshed and fuck." Sighs from all women present.
     Yes, it's bizarre. Every girl who sees the ad thinks he's talking to them when it's painfully clear that he's talking to ME, or at least somebody with the same type of genitals as me. But whatever, gayness aside, THE POINT IS they think he's hot. They say it: "He's HOT." "Ah mah gah totally." "Yummy." And when I cover the floor with hot vomit, PW rewinds the TiVo to show me the few still frames where he is undeniably hot. "See?!?! LOOK AT HIM."
     I am looking at him, you horny bitches. And what I see is a guy whose moves are so hopelessly WRONG that if you saw him dancing at a bar, show, or party, you would actually point your fingers and mock him with the utmost severity. You cannot rewind and pause real life, sweeties. You cannot separate his pretty face and beat-up sneakers from his road-company-of-Cats dance stylings. Sniff his hands -- they smell a little jazzy, don't they? Yes they do.
     Aren't you ashamed? Can you see the error of your ways? Don't just nod at me like I'm an idiot. YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY STOP THINKING HE'S HOT. STOP NOW. NOW. AAARGH.
posted by Universal Donor 12:31 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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