UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Wednesday, November 20, 2002
Add this the towering stack of reasons I don't want to be famous: famous people can't dangle their babies over balconies without every motherfucker in the world calling them "wacko" or "cracko." Look, I've seen some fucked up shit on America's "Funniest" Home Videos, everything short of some TrailTrash dad sticking his kid in the garbage disposal for a laugh and a shot and an oversized check. What's the big deal? People fuck around with their babies because the damn things are made of rubber, hence the common term "indestructible rubber baby." Why can't famous people endanger their children in peace, just like normal people? Or kiss their big-bootied fiancés without the staccato soundtrack of a thousand flickering shutters? And who the fuck decided to call Michael Jackson "Jacko" anyway? I bet it's a Rupert Murdoch thing -- those aussies love nicknames more than they love fisting dingos.
If I were famous I couldn't puke off a roof without some overeager tabloid cub scooping up a sample all Egon Spengler-like and having it tested so that all the world could see how much Aleve is in my bloodstream. I couldn't adjust my itching nutsack without being dubbed "Scratcho" in an article titled "Broomfield Can't Sweep Away Crabs." If I were famous I couldn't drown a bag of bunny rabbits without "angoring" those buzzkill alarmists at PETA. Forget it. I will toil in blissful obscurity, puking, scratching, and drowning as I please. The masses can eat a dick. 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |