Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I'm not afraid of germs. I'll kiss people, eat their food, drink their drinks, eat things off the floor. I don't get sick very often, so any germ that's strong enough to make me sick deserves to ravage my body. Bravo, little pathogen.
     Then again, I don't touch poles on the subway anymore. (Heh. I used to lick them, when I was a child. Don't know why. I used to lick everything.) In public bathrooms, I try to use my feet to accomplish as many things as possible. Sometimes, after touching something that might be crawling with germs, I feel like I'm wearing hot, shiny gloves of disease. I let my hands hang limp at my sides, avoiding contact with any part of my body above my neck. I am pretty much useless until I can wash or otherwise sanitize my paws, or until I forget they're dirty. ADD is fun like that -- dangle something shiny in my face and I'll forget to breathe.
     Germs are everywhere, but you can't avoid them completely, so why go crazy? Live your life! Touch the things you need to touch, and if you're freaky like that, you can carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer. Donald Trump does. If you threw a bucket of germs (or poop, that classic ebodiment of germs) at me, I'd be pissed off but not totally freaked out. I'd make a "ya got me!" face, find a place to wash up, and burn you with a cigarette (fair's fair).
     Now, if you threw a bucket of roaches at me? Whoa. I can't even process the concept. The part where I'm covered with roaches leads swiftly into a coma, because I cannot handle the roaches, not at all. But where did you get all those roaches? Why did you put them all in a bucket, and how long did it take? How long have you been planning this gag? And most importantly, WHY DID YOU THROW THEM AT ME? Now I'm in a coma, so you can tell the answers to my prone, liquid-fed body, still dripping with fearsweat and hopefully hooked up to some serious sympathetic morphine. WHAT POSSESSES A MAN TO COLLECT A BUCKET OF ROACHES? ANSWER ME!
posted by Universal Donor 5:23 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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