Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I've been neglecting you, my sweets, and I know it. It's my nature, you see: my attention wanders like an unsupervised child at a carnival. I want to warn you of so many things, to protect you from the monsters behind the corner that you're too blind to see, to kill the bad parts of you like a psychotic vigilante kills rapists, to hold you in my powerful arms and lull you to sleep with songs of picnicking teddy bears. Rest easy! I have the answers! Who let the dogs out? I did. Dude, where's my car? Right there, behind that Montero Sport, about five miles away from the curb but that's ok -- you learned to drive late. It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes, cuz I know I'd walk A THOUSAND MILES if I could just see you tonight.
     But I can't be everywhere at once. I can't change your freaking diapers. Get up, get on your feet! Go to the store and buy some damn milk, because I'm tired of pouring a bowl of cereal only to find the carton empty but still in the fucking fridge. Oh man, you never look stupider than when you try to pick up something that you think is full but is actually empty and your arm goes whooshing to the ceiling. My heart breaks and breaks. You know that feeling you get when you try to staple some paper together but the stapler is empty? That hollow non-click is an encapsulated echo of every tragedy ever played, every tale of loss and woe, every ka-chunnnn where there should be a ka-chunk. Keep your staplers filled, my loves, keep your staplers filled.
     I'm not scared. The gulf stream is just the pattern that remained after God swirled his index finger in the oceans to test their temperature. Then he licked his finger clean and that's why we have salty taste buds. Then he sucked a hobo's dick and that's why we have Pussy Willow. I promise to shoot you all if you ever become zombies. I will act with mercy and speed to spare you the agony of undeath. As you crumple to your rest I will imagine a smile of gratitude on your patchy, worm-eaten faces, and I will smile in return.
posted by Universal Donor 2:48 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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