Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  ARGH. Ok, from now on, I don't want you to do ANYTHING without talking to me first. Because you're just going to fuck it up. You do everything stupid, like a machine that pumps out stupid all day long. Stupid.
     FOR EXAMPLE: If you are going to the dentist, you should never walk out without a scrip for narcotic painkillers in your hand -- and you should never settle for Tylenol 3, whose piddling 30 mgs of codeine phosphate make it the retarded midget stepchild of the opiate family. Codeine phosphate indeed. Oh, they'll try to tell you that your pain is imaginary, or that it's not "severe" enough. Or that Dilaudid is only for "post-operative" or "battlefield amputation" pain. Or that you're a "fucking junkie scumbag" and should "get out of [their] office before [they] call the cops." Pshaw. You deserve your meds, and no power-tripping tooth-cleaner should stand in your way.
     Here's what you say to a recalcitrant DDS: "Um, oh, uh, I'm vewy sensitive to pain. I'm soo nervous. Could you pwease gib me sumfing a widdle more powerfuw?" If you plead fear and vulnerability, you give the dentist a chance to play hero and pretend he's a real doctor for a day. They love that.
     On the off-chance that doesn't work, you can try a slightly more aggressive tactic: grab his nipple and say: "Listen up, "Doctor" Fucksuck. If I don't see you touch that pen to pad and sart writing the capital P in Percocet, I'm going to jam this little scrapey-hook into your navel and SCRAPE THE PLAQUE OFF YOUR KIDNEYS, you molar-poking fagtard." This tactic usually works, because dentists hate being called "fagtard." Try it!
posted by Universal Donor 1:44 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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