Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Hey, listen, Sir, can I just ask you about that captivating scent you're wearing? Just quickly, if you could, Sir, during this elevator ride, could you just give me a rundown of your thought process this morning when you hauled out the slop bucket filled with whipped skunk torsos and DIPPED ALL YOUR FREAKING CLOTHES IN IT? No, no, yes, I know I've talked about this perfume/cologne issue before, not with you specifically, Sir, maybe not, but really it is IMPOSSIBLE TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE when I am trapped in this 5x5x8 foot box with you.
     Ahh, but the ladies of your home country must swoon when you enter the room (or yurt, mud hut, whatever), right? Not the way that I'm swooning, which is clearly from lack of oxygen, no -- I'm thinking they must swoon in that desirable, here-comes-Troy-Donahue or whoever made girls swoon when girls swooned kind of swoon. I am guessing that there must be a swoony response from somebody, because otherwise I don't get the strategy, dude. Sir. I've heard that people wore perfume a lot to cover up stink, but I'm pretty sure that was before the days of municipal water supplies and indoor plumbing and stores that sell soap ON EVERY FREAKING CORNER. Please explain this before I lose the brain cells required to differentiate midgets from fire hydrants.
     Wait! You are married but have very little willpower? And the only way to keep the horny ladies away is to literally repulse them by triggering a gangrene-and-rotting-corpses-related aspect of the fight-or-flight reflex? I can relate, dude, because I too have to deal with hordes of horny women who want my seed. I find that they are just as ably repelled by emotional unavailability and morbid self-obsession -- but I will admit that it takes longer than your solution, Sir, and for that I tip my hat to you. Because it sure is a drag having people want to stand within thirty feet of you, right? Can I get an "amen?"
     Actually, instead of an "amen," can I get you to open that maintenance access panel there and ride on the top of the fucking elevator? Yes, I know we're almost there, but I was kinda hoping that in the process of leaving the car you would get snagged on some kind of fast-moving cable/hook thingy and get whipped, Chocolate-Factory-style, through the roof and, I don't know, INTO THE SUN OR SOMETHING. Glaargledy! Fucking! Aaargle!
posted by Universal Donor 4:13 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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