Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I just got back from the dentist and my neck is soaking wet -- apparently my Class-3 underbite got him little excited. But seriously folks. My collar is soaked, and if my work environment weren't as relaxed as Joey Buttafuoco's pants, I would have changed it when I got back. But everything's jake here at the plant, so I'm allowing myself to air-dry. Like your mom.
     I have a cavity on the gumline of a bottom molar, and I'm gonna get a white filling, because I'm a racist -- I just don't like metal people. When I get my filling, I will ask for the gas. "Give me the gas, doc," I will say, with pride and conviction. Because when you get a filling you have two options: you can be conscious of scraping and drilling and packing and little flying tooth bits, or you can be high as a rat.
     It's almost literally unbelievable: nitrous oxide administered continuously through a mask in a controlled environment by an accredited medical professional and paid for by and insurance company? Pinch me! No RediWhip cans, no gaily-colored balloons that freeze and break after ten stupid Whip-its? I'm gonna just dump a tin of Altoids into my mouth every day so that I can get more cavities.
     I got the gas when I had my wisdom teeth removed, and even though the dentist had me in a headlock and was violently jacking my head back and forth with a hellish pair of pliers, I felt nothing. To me, the experience was a combination of a low ambient wah-wah-wah sound and some rotating geometric explosions on the backs of my eyelids. Gore spattered the walls and the dude was sweating when it was done, but I just sat there smiling like a goon, blood spilling out of my mouth-corners in parallel rivers. Get the gas. It's not a substitute for novocaine, it's a delicious adjunct, a partner in a dance of painlessness. Don't be afraid of it! Our parents were given gas in the waiting room, dude! Though it was probably just to make them more "cooperative" and "fondle-ready."
posted by Universal Donor 5:10 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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