UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, January 08, 2003
 
I saw Steve Buscemi on the subway this morning and he looked really twitchy, like he was in constant fear of encountering one of his own characters in the flesh. To put him at ease, I stepped playfully on his toes a couple of times, but instead of returning my mischievous gaze, he maced my fucking eyes. That hurt, but my shaggy hipster bangs managed to block a lot of the spray. So this goddamn hairdo is good for something other than attracting droves of women!
     Speaking of irresistable studmonsters: if you haven't seen Goldfinger in a while, go rent it. Look for the scene where Bond puts on his fancy suit on Goldfinger's private jet, and look at his crotch. You can totally see Connery's dick hanging down his left pant leg. In fact, for the next ten scenes or so, it's all about cock. I never noticed this phenomenon when I was younger, but one gets the impression that Pussy Galore did, because next thing you know, they're totally having sex in a barn. James Bond's suit must be coated with space-age polymers, because he never lets steaming piles of horse feces come between him and a fuckable henchwoman. It is obvious that he is a pathological sex addict in need of medical help. Like, I know that saving the world from Christopher Walken and Robert Davi can be stressful, but could you go for like five minutes without putting your dick in a henchwoman? Especially on the taxpayers' dime? And hey, isn't a visible dick-bulge the male equivalent of cameltoe, and therefore an embarrassing fashion no-no? WHAT'S UP, JAMES?

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Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans