Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I'm a little shook up, because the restaurant last night had one of those "true reflection" mirrors in the bathroom. It's got several mirrors set at satanic angles inside, so instead of the face you normally see, it's the face everyone else sees. If you haven't seen this kind of mirror yet, good -- you may continue to live with your fantastically distorted self-image intact. But it's too late for me. My existential hymen has been violently shredded.
     The reason you hate pictures of yourself is that you don't recognize your face reversed; the angles are wrong, everything is bizarro. Also, you can see how fat your ass is. Right? Someone shows you a big group photo and you ONLY look at YOUR tiny head and big ass and say "ugh, what a terrible picture, please burn it right now because that's NOT what I look like," and your friend is like "what do you mean? You look GREAT in that picture" and you're like "shut up before I stab your tits off, because I look like a fucking Minotaur in that picture" and he's like "chill out, girlfriend (snap)." Well, this mirror image is a billion times worse because it moves, in a terrible, reptilian way. What I saw in the mirror was not me, but I am sure it is trying to kill me.
     Why didn't anyone tell me my face was so grotesquely deformed? One of my eyes seems to be falling off my face, and my chin is so off-kilter it looks like I got slapped with a shovel. I tried to make my "mirror face" (you know, that sexy face you make in the mirror when no one's around) and immediately vomited at the sight.
     As I staggered weeping from the restroom, I remembered something that made me feel a little better. When I ran into Cat in the subway last weekend and she drunkenly introduced me to this random 20-year-old chick from New Orleans, the chick turned around, took one look at me and said "He's cute," as if I weren't standing right there. Yowza! I told her she was cute too, which she was. It was a nice moment, and I can coast on that for a while. Ignore the true mirror. Ignore the true mirror. The true mirror is false. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. And wipe that puke off your pants, you narcissistic fucktard.
posted by Universal Donor 4:56 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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