UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Tuesday, January 14, 2003
My boss just sent me a link to an "article" about how, basically, a messy desk indicates a serious deficiency of character. The piece quotes a study from the University of Texas that found that "people with messy offices are less efficient, less organized and less imaginative than people with clean desks." The part that really gets me is the imagination part, because it is obviously an attempt by the U. of Texas to make me, personally, feel bad. But it's not gonna work, because I don't get offended by studies from a school whose motto is "Come Suckle Some Larnin' from our Universi-titty."
Plus, unlike you, I have some empathy. This unimaginative article was obviously pounded out by a long-suffering writer forced to debase her craft in the content department of bankrate.com -- a site whose imaginative purpose is to list interest rates -- so I don't blame her for her shallow, press-release-parroting attempt at "journalism." But does everything on the interweb have to be written by illiterate Floridian line-dancers who write "plumb" when they mean "plum?" Are qualified writers really that scarce? Seriously, there's not a single zombie reference in her entire piece. What's that about? Doesn't she care about zombies? Am I really supposed to believe that I'm going to hell because I have a year's worth of unfiled paper nonsense cluttering my "workspace?" I will admit that my desk looks like it was hit repeatedly with baseball bats. But while you're using a t-square to anal-retentify the angles of your in-boxes, I will be sharpening my letter opener into a zombie-slaughtering bayonet, and we'll just see who survives until the company picnic. 0 comments |
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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |