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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Ann Coulter upsets me at a molecular level. There are idiots everywhere, but I really have a problem with her because she's so fucking smug, as if she were smarter than orange juice, which she is not. She's not even as well-informed as orange juice. Like, on Crossfire the other day, Paul Begala, after making a point that Al Qaeda is our enemy and could better be fought in Pakistan, Syria, Yemen, and Iran, asked "So why is Bush attacking Iraq?" Coulter replied: "Liberals are always strongly in favor of going to war, just not against the country we're about to go to war with!" which is a) wrong, b) stupid, c) an evasive non sequitur. But because she used the vocal cadence of a "witty retort," the audience applauded wildly! Glaargle!
     She gets exposure and money because she is a marginally attractive blond conservative who gives boners to aged fascists. Um, clean hair and raccoony eye make-up do not a pundit make. Bob Novak is so busy wiping jizz from his shorts that he doesn't seem to realize that whenever she appears on Crossfire, the average IQ in the room goes down 50 points -- and that's including the studio audience.
     Enough bitching! Here are my off-the-top-of-my-head solutions to the "Coulter Problem:"
      I will get a time machine, go back in time and impregnate her mother before her dad does, then jump forward 16 years and meet her after school and slap her and say "who's your daddy, bee-hatch?" because I will be her daddy. Then I will go a little back in time again to when her mom is pregnant and have fetal Ann aborted and installed in a jar in the Mutter Museum.
     No, wait. I'll use the time machine to transport Ann (the real one, not the one I sired) back to Whitechapel, 1887, where her smart mouth, tarty make-up, and lack of any actual skills will force her to be a prostitute, and then maybe a year later she will have her intestines thrown over her left shoulder, like an Hermés scarf from hell, by Jack the Ripper.
     Please submit your suggestions for violent, painful, baroque, and hard-to-implement ways to snuff Ann Coulter.
posted by Universal Donor 2:11 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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