UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Thursday, March 13, 2003
A month ago I got an email from Lafarge that said "nice day for playing music in the subway, huh?" I was like "um... yeah, I guess. Should I know what the fuck you're talking about?" and he was like "my friend in your neighborhood says he saw you playing in the subway this morning," and I was all "dude that wasn't me. Your friend eats dicks for breakfast and they make him stupid." But then my dad called me and said that a friend of his saw me in the same station a day or two later playing music for the people.
Which means I have a long-lost twin brother. I haven't gone looking for him yet, but now that I know he's out there a lot of things make sense. For instance, at certain parties, people I know I've never met act like we've had hot nasty buttsex. Strange women sidle up, grab my nutsack, and whisper things like "hey hot stuff... let's find a quiet alcove where we can snort these amyls and you can put your johnson in my ronson." And I'm always like, yeah, ok, sure -- but they always act like we've done it before. I think I'd remember that! I have so many questions for my twin! Did he need orthodonture like I did? Was his orthodontist as hairy as mine, or as staggeringly incompetent? Because my jaw looks like a goddamn gardening tool. Does my twin like chocolate or vanilla? Camels, Marlboros, or some kind of gaytarded European brand? Whoa. Wouldn't it be totally weird to beat the fuck out of your twin? I have to try it. But I'm mostly psyched about finding my twin because I think you can make your twin do your chores. Chores like writing this stupid blog every day! Ha ha! Boo-yaa! 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |