Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Spring break is coming, and every year it makes me feel funny. Like many of you, I went to a small liberal arts school with no fraternities, where athletes were as reviled as they usually are revered. So I actually didn't even know about "Spring Break" as it is experienced by tens of thousands of college students every year. I think I head a rumor about some friends of mine going to Panama City, FL in drag and getting into fights with hooting, buzz-cutted thick-neckers. Then I think they tried the same stunt at the Kentucky Derby, where they were almost drawn and quartered by the nag who came in last. But so anyway, I never swam in the teeming sea of hormones and rape. I never shouted for tits, and never showed my balls for beads. I never drank until I puked on a dick I was sucking, only to be slapped aside for the next hobag-in-waiting.
     To clarify: I do not feel funny because I missed out; I think it's a minor triumph of my life that I haven't been exposed to the Spring Break lifestyle on any large scale. Dude, I get itchy and mumbly when I see four suburban jocktards on my precious city streets. Grr, like yesterday. These footballer types who were obviously left over from the St. Paddy's parade were all my-dick-is-huge-ing down the street, making a nasty comments to the weirdo outside the Scientology bookstore, quoting South Park ("Timm-ehh"), and generally making my fists clench. I can never leave New York. I hate Middle Americans so much, and everywhere outside of New York is Middle America to me. I HAVE NOTHING NEW OR INTERESTING TO SAY. But if the terrorists irradiated a generation of assholes at the MTV Spring Break beach party, would the country be worse off? I'm just asking.
     That said, if you send me something cool in the mail, I will send you a picture of my pulsing, pendulous nutsack. Just don't send me beads. What the fuck am I supposed to do with beads?
posted by Universal Donor 3:41 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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