UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield
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Friday, April 04, 2003
Everybody wants to travel, right? Except, like, Americans. No, that's not exactly right -- Americans are willing to travel but incapable of actually expanding their worldview to include any of the foreign cultures they ogle. The world is our petting zoo, and foreigners are the goats. The analogy is more germane than you'd think, because just like movie stars and lead singers, all foreigners are midgety little hairy people with beards. The organizing body of Europe is the Lollipop Guild, and they can chew through a mountain of tin cans faster than you could spit tobaccy at a jackrabbit!
I spent most of my last European vacation pointing out the differences between wherever I was and the U.S., which is annoying to foreigners who already know everything about us from watching Law & Order, which is in syndication on Betelgeuse already. Dick Wolf can wolf a dick. Then I got stuck in Copenhagen when my plane tickets didn't blah blah blah, and I started reading up on blah blah and learned so much blah blah shut up. This is what happens to people who travel. They assume that their stories are more interesting because they happened somewhere other than home, which is some wicked fagtarded bullshit. If you are a boring ass, just shut up forever, or you'll get slapped with a knife. All kidding aside, you really should see Paris once before you -- (ka-slice!) -- gglaargle!!! I should prepare you now for the fact that I'm going on vacation for 10 days from April 11-20. Put the cyanide down, kids. I'll try to wangle you some interim wit to keep you from evaporating. 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |