Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I had a great time in California, even though California itself cannot be blamed for this fact. I won't bore you with a rundown of how New York and Los Angeles are different, except to say that everybody in California is a turd-gobbling idiot.
     On Passover, I was taken by some cousins to the absolute worst seder ever, which if you've ever been to a seder you know that they're not exactly packed with laffs. But wow, is all. I've never been the most conservative traditionalist in any room, ever, but as I watched the Passover ritual get trampled under the flip-flopped feet of a legion of SoCal feel-gooders, I understood for a moment what it must feel like to be a reactionary in a world of assimilation. I felt like Tevye, except gayer, because instead of being surrounded by tough Russian christians with leather hats and broken vodka bottles, I was surrounded by a pillowy mass of smiling christian flab swaddled in ringspun cotton. Listen:
     1) The event took place in a church. What? Ok, it was Unitarian, and therefore "church" may be more accurate, but still: a church, with crosses and shit. It was structured as a multi-culti, let's-all-pretend-to-try-to-understand-each-others'-cultures-for-an-hour-or-so kind of deal, with a pastor horning in on the haggadah with her little christian observations. About Jesus. And how he related to Passover. And how he died for our sins.
     2) They ran out of wine before the second cup, substituting grape juice. Sure, it tasted better than Manischewitz, but that's hardly the point. Fuck.
     3) The total time from sitting down to eating dinner was like forty minutes. The reading should last until you've got hemorrhoids and your stomach finishes digesting itself and starts nibbling at your liver. Forty minutes? That ain't suffering. Guh.
     4) The dinner was potluck. Somebody brought rolls.
     5) Pointing to the stage, the lady next to me whispered in my ear: "that's Susan up there. She used to be a... Hebrew, but she converted."
     6) At the point where many people would choose to sing the solemn hymn "Go Down, Moses," a passel of bratlings crowded around the piano to sing this: "Oh Pharoah, Pharoah/Whoa, baby!/Let my people go/Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah" to the tune of "Louie, Louie." I am so totally not shitting you. I would have choked them with gefilte fish and rubbed horseradish into their eyesockets, but NOBODY THOUGHT TO BRING ANY TO THE FUCKING SEDER.
posted by Universal Donor 4:37 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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