Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I used to hate sports, I really did. I hated sports, jocks, sports fans, sports magazines. I hated sports arenas and their stupid parking lots. I wrote a lengthy rant for a my never-published zine Vitriol about how gut-curdlingly revolted I was by people who pick up a perfectly good newspaper and flip directly to the sports section, bypassing everything that matters in the universe. I actually sneered at people who wore clothes with team logos on them. Yes, sneered. Who does that? What an insufferable, dogmatic ass I was.
     So, you know, after high school and college, I didn't feel the need to set myself apart from any perceived mainstream, no, not so much. Like gym socks in a hamper, I mellowed. Jocks were no longer my enemies, they were allies, equals, compadres, defining me in contrast; the obverse of my reverse, the yin to my yang, the brawn to my brain, the frick to my frack. Would I look so awesome if there weren't so many goddamn idiots woof-woof-woofing at every flickering tube suspended above a Corona-slicked bar? Welcome, friends! You are dumb! Come stand next to me! Let's talk numbers! We love numbers! And we hate hippies!
     But here's what's not okay: sweatpants. Sweatpants are not acceptable outdoor wear, people. In the comfort of your ugly home, on laundry day or before naptime, you may wear your shapeless togs as you please, and may god have mercy on your soul. But if you have any remaining self-respect (hah), you will consider eating a handful of Xanax before poisoning the visual commons with your pinchless garments.
     Have you seen these new breeds of sweatpants that pretend to be, like, actual pants? Bleached-out downtown gym bunnies walking their dogs in flip-flops and "designer" sweats, butt-floss straps peeking insistently from drawstrung waists? What is this, Venice Beach? No! This is Manhattan! Don't tell me "oh, these are stretch workout shorts" or "breathable pilates activewear," BECAUSE ANYONE CAN SEE YOU ARE WEARING SWEATPANTS. Oh, god. Since when did sweatpants say anything other than "I have given up, I can no longer compete; bring me a gallon tub of Edy's Cookie Dough Ice Cream"? Here's a quarter: go rent a samurai to lop off your stupid head.
posted by Universal Donor 12:23 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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