Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  As I sit down on the crowded train this morning, so fucking tired that my eyelashes have begun to crust together in ecstatic anticipation of my 15-minute subway nap, this bitch-ass lady makes this "tsk" noise because my foot brushes hers. Like she's the goddamn Caribbean Queen of the F train. Oh! I'm sooo sorry my incredibly awesome suede and mesh Pumas exist in the same hemisphere as your stupid Payless flats. I must be more considerate! Perhaps I should douse myself in gasoline and teach myself a lesson about respect? Got a match? Tsk indeed. How am I supposed to steal my meager winks while I've got to worry about not letting any part of my body touch yours during FUCKING RUSH HOUR? I'm six foot two, you midget! Why don't you curl up under the seats and stay out of my way? Glaargle! Eat a dick!
     To make matters worse, my Hotmail start page showed me a link to remind me that I don't sleep enough, and what sleep I do get is of a poor quality. Thank you, MSN, for caring enough about me to recycle the same non-news boilerplate from two months ago. Could you tell me again which wedding songs will really put a damper on the festivites? Tell me something useful for once, you fucksuck bastards! How many bowls of cock do I need to eat in order to completely kill myself forever? If I'm in a high-rise office building when a zombie attack begins, should I run downstairs to the street, or upstairs to the roof, where maybe I can cold-cock some security dudes and jack a chopper?
     I suspect that the sleep I got on the subway was of a very poor quality. My brain aches like I spent the night breathing nitrous oxide, except without the laughing. I am tired. I will understand when nobody feels like leaving a comment, because this post has lulled you to sleep more effectively than an ether-drenched mallet to the face. Maybe you will all lose your jobs for dampening important documents with sleep-drool. If you get canned, show up at my doorstep with a duffel bag and a change of clothes, and if you put up with being insulted for three days by the super and the worthless drug-slinging hoods on the stoop, you can join my army of slumbery fucktards. Private J.Ro! Fluff up my futon!
posted by Universal Donor 1:53 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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