Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I agonize over this blog every day. I have to much respect for you, dear reader, to just post any old stream-of-consciousness blather, even though my blather is ten gazillion times better than anything else you'll ever read. The empty space on the days I don't post indicates hours of struggling with, and finally rejecting, an unmanageable entry.
     In order that you might have a little fucking appreciation of the amount of effort I expend for your enjoyment, here is a list of first sentences from rejected entries -- and I'm not kidding either, these are all real, aborted starts:
     * Sometimes I use my psychic powers for selfish reasons.
     * This week, we had a new server installed at work, which is about as exciting as being turd-raped by a gang of apemen, by which I mean: very exciting.
     * Dude, our government is like a parody of a bad government in a movie.
     * If the idea of sitting at a table with all of your exes makes you break out in bowel-loosening panic-attack sweat, you either have terrible taste in lovers, or you are a bad boyfriend or girlfriend.
     * Don't you hate it when people mispronounce or misuse yiddish words?
     * It is my duty as a friend to inform you when you're being stupid, and guess what? You're being stupid.
     * Whatever made me funny is broken.
     * Goddamn but I am horny.
     * Those asymmetrical tops that girls think look great? Boys hate them.
     * I haven't had a nightmare in over 5 years now.
     * If you see me in public, you'll notice that I look like a slack-jawed doofus, a hollow and witless moron.
     * Why is it okay to eat candy bars?
     * Straight boys: if you have a girlfriend, for god's sake let her dress you.
     * I don't yell. I don't freak out. I have loud thoughts, and I type in uppercase sometimes, but I'm generally very even-tempered. Most of my friends can't remember me ever getting mad, about anything, EVER. So what the fuck is it with these bugs?
     * Hey-- do you think of the word "feces" as plural? As in: "hey, look at all those feces!"?
     * I'm going to build myself a better roommate out of promotional AOL CDs, because my current roommates SUCK AN ASS COCK.


So, having spared you from all those posts and the horrifying places they were headed, I deserve a prize. I know -- what have I done for you lately, right? Shut your fat mouth. You're fired. That's my prize.
posted by Universal Donor 1:44 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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