Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Music stores are filled with equipment that makes you salivate, but they are also filled with people that make you want to vomit, shit, or seize. For reasons I don't really comprehend, I've been drawn back to the 48th Street gear geek district four times in the last two weeks -- always for stupid shit like for patch cords, some adapters, a boom microphone stand, monitor headphones, and a giant humming musical dildo that plays "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" at such a low frequency that it can be used as a non-chemical abortifacient. Who among you is not helpless before gear?
     Music Gear Geeks are not as snobby as Independent Video/Music Store Geeks, but they are sadder, because there's not a real intellectual armature on which to hang their geekdom, and anyway, you just know that the music they are going to make with their shiny new boxes is terrible, like really really awful, soul-crushingly dull, over-distorted and reverbed-to-hell, and rife with the bile-churningly predictable lyrical content that rhymes "fire" with "desire" and "in my brain" with "drivin' me insane." Oh god. The customers and the staff are almost indistinguishable, except that the staff have slightly higher status because of their instant access to all the gear the customers could ever want; for example, they could go down to the storeroom and rub their dicks on a giant mixing board if they felt like it, but the customers would have to pay for the pleasure. I often think about how many geek dicks have been rubbed on the merchandise I purchase -- don't you? It's scary.
     Anyway, I don't know what I'm getting at, except that somehow these greaseheaded bugs, wearing free promo Peavey or Zildjian t-shirts, still try to make me feel small for buying a cheap pile of nothing. Look, sparky, people need guitar picks. Don't sneer at me -- I don't need a knob-studded crate to make my music sound good. Because I am a genius. BUT WHO CARES? I don't need you to like, respect, or flatter me. I don't even need you to make eye contact. You have no power over me, retail fucktard. NONE! ZERO! Now ring up that three-dollar guitar strap. I'm in a hurry, biotch.
posted by Universal Donor 12:19 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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