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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


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© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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MY PUNK NAME

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, June 11, 2003
 
I am not writing about this for any reason in particular. Airports. You can't say a thing about them that hasn't been observed from a billion sticky stages in dank comedy clubs, but every time you go to an airport, your horror is reawakened -- the monster has grown new arms and fangs. Air travel is shitty, because you're just a hot ass in a corporation's seat, and corporations learned a long time ago that if you eradicate competition, you can do whatever you want to your customers and they will keep on coming. (I think there used to be laws against monopolies, but I took history class a LONG time ago, and my notebooks were filled with doodles of coffee cups, pot leaves, and dancing bears.)
     But airports are cool because you can walk around looking totally cracked-out and nobody will even look at you twice, because all travelers look like they've been mugged in an alley. And you can look totally clean but have a beard, in which case you will get probed with everything they can find in the souvenir shop. I like testing the limits of acceptable airport behavior. You can totally lie down anywhere you want, short of the metal detector or x-ray belt. You're tired, everyone's tired! You deserve a napper!
     You can spill things and just walk away, though that's rude to the people who have to clean it up. You can stare at people really intently, and when they notice and get creeped out, you can just unfocus your eyes and act like you're staring through them at some private travel horrorshow in your head. Try to chug as much coffee as you can, but halfway through your cup, have a coughing fit that sends hot brown foam everywhere. Nobody judges you in an airport! You are either a Bomber, or you are Not a Bomber. If you pass this test, you could put your fist in your mouth and blow starlight mints out your ass. Nobody cares. Welcome aboard!
     Oh, and fuck you if you believed that shit about pot leaves and dancing bears.

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One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans