Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I cannot help it, no. Despite the noisy and constant protestations of a legion of friends, relatives, and otherwise intelligent acquaintances, I am heartsick at the sight of so many enlightened front-car F-trainers devouring the new Harry Potter book like locusts on a farmgirl's eyes. Oh, I know it's "actually quite good," and "surprisingly smart," or any of a zillion other red-faced or too too nonchalant apologies, but here's a tip, kidlets: if you have to apologize for reading something, you know it's crap.
     Hey, but don't I love crap? You've seen the CDs that spin through my 3-disk changer; some of it's good, some of it achingly trendy, and some of it just crap crappity crap. I'm not ashamed, and I don't apologize. How many times have you heard me say that the A*Teens' version of "Mamma Mia" is better than the original? Probably a billion. I love the crap I love in that complicated postpostpostpostmodern (shut up) way that makes it exponentially impossible to discern how serious I am, so that it's just easier to assume that there is no irony involved, that my love is true. Irony as practiced by today's hipsters sucks because a guy wearing a hat with fake dogshit on the bill -- no matter how ironically he does so -- still has dogshit on his hat. Would you like some Sweat of the Blues Explosion with your hot bowl of dick, you feckless assmonkey?
     Fuck, mang, it's so hot that girls be using linen tampons and shit.
     Um. So, my point is that Harry Potter is unrepentant crap, so you shouldn't repent. I also know that some guilty week, while stranded in Berlin or Trieste or Swakopmund, I will read all five books in one chainsmoking sitting. But also I am saying that I don't want to see you reading the books on the train, because you make me look even smarter, and if I look any more brilliant I am going to seriously blind some people. See? Don't be ashamed, but do act ashamed: read the book in your own home. You want to buy a book that you will never have to read? Buy Hillary Clinton's book, and you may get to see that neocon fucktard Tucker Carlson eat his shoes on national television. It was fun when Werner Herzog did it for Errol Morris, but this is like, awesome.
posted by Universal Donor 1:34 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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