UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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We can ill afford
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is:



PAGES UD MADE:

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My Reference Page

My Music Page

My Pictures

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

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My Last.fm page

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Friday, June 06, 2003
 
The rumors of my death have been only slightly exagerated, and now I have returned. As in real life, I have spread myself too thin on Friendster and it is time to return home with my tail between my legs to avoid all the messy social obligations.
     I'd planned a triumphant homecoming replete with a chorus of trumpets blaring musical paeans and a brilliant piece about how today's vanguard turns its hostilities on itself, but petered out halfway through and said "fuck it."
     So in my occasional times of blog surfing, I've noticed that the mass majority of bloggers have an inexplicable habit when suffering through bouts of writer's block or life boredom, writing long lists of bizarre phrases such as "Ms. Pacman tells me 'struedel,'" elaborating only that "I was playing with the search engine phrases" or something, and claiming it's a lot of fun. I haven't got a fucking clue what they're talking about -- does this mean that now that they have written those phrases, anybody who Googles those phrases will be guided to their blog? Or does that mean that was already happening? How can they tell? Why don't any of these freaks feel the need to explain themselves? What's the point of all this -- does it really matter that if somebody types in "wine distilled from toenails and semen," they get taken to your very own website? I don't get it.
     Regardless, this seems to be the one blog out there that has still not done such a thing, and I think it's time to rectify that. Better yet, there's a theme to this list: activities! Now, I've done my research, and discovered that most of these lists contain a verb, a few wildly discordant nouns (often provocative), and the occasional b-list celebrity. So, without further fanfare, here it is:

          MY LIST OF UNSETTLING CONFUSION:

· Eating out Tara Lipinski
· Smoking weed with the neighbor's Weimaraner
· Checking out Charlie Daniels' package while sniffing glue
· She's been eating cheese for every meal
· Going to a funeral with latin pop sensation Martika and getting attacked by zombies
· Freaking out and jumping around while naked, flaccid, and still wearing the condom
· Getting a lap dance from Richard Grieco
· Retrieving your mother's severed head from the freezer
· Uncontrollably itching my thigh
· Stuffing hamsters into cuisinarts with Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson
· Trying to get that fucking "Remix to Ignition" song out of your head
· Killing off the last shred of his dreams with Susan Faludi
· I'd rather be golfing with gay porn stars
· Dying in Chris Kattan's arms
· Shitting in Antonin Scalia's mouth

     Huh. That WAS kind of fun. Now if anybody is curious about Johan Paulik's handicap or harbors fantasies of slipping off to the champagne room with Officer Booker, they'll show up here.
Any other suggestions?

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans