UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


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© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Tuesday, June 24, 2003
 
This is Gregor writing my biennial post:
OK, so I also have a live journal which I post to very occasionally, and I have only one question: What the fuck is a meme?
     I am still learning these things, and I tried out the "What Does Your Live Journal Name Mean?" meme, and when I typed in "totalvirility" as one word, it told me I was a sporting great, that I was dull, and that my favorite color was black, all three patently false. Typing it in as two words gave me a slightly more accurate reading of myself, that was still way off. Um, I cut and pasted whatever the hieroglyphs were that appeared underneath the table, assuming that pasting it here will produce the nifty table. Let's try:
total virility
Magic Number14
JobActor
PersonalityMultiple
TemperamentPussy Cat
SexualJust Say No
Likely To WinNothing
Me - In A WordWhirlwind
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack


Isn't that just fucking great? Thank you, Meme Jack, for killing some time. We all need something to fill the void.
     But here's the thing: Are some of us at such a loss as far as self-identity goes that we need such things as binary pointers? That is, we can look and say "OMG, I totally am a whirlwind personality, everyone says so," but then say "It's got it soooo wrong on sky blue being my favorite color, because sky blue makes my hips zaftig"? I mean, there's the understanding that it's just in fun, because it's a computer program after all, but I see a need to try to relate to what the Meme tells you, just like some fools do with astrology.
     I hate astrology. Hate hate hate hate hate astrology. I particularly hate the fact that I know a good number of otherwise reasonable people who constantly spout some ridiculous bullshit to me about how "it's naive to believe that the position of these mammoth heavenly bodies has nothing to do with how your personality was shaped," because no, it isn't. I'll say it now: The positions of the stars and the planets, at both the time I was born and in subsequent months, haven't affected me for jack shit. You either.
     You know what has? My chromosomes. They played quite an enormous role, see, as did my upbringing; my parents shaped me, the position of Saturn did not. The position of Saturn had nothing to do with it. If I am a very light sleeper, it is not because my ascendant sign crossed into the fourth house and was granted 3 charisma and 2 strength, it is because my father used to sneak into our rooms at night and give us tetanus shots due to some whacked out theory he had. Astrology had no bearing on my personality at all. And no, I don't even mean "Well, it effects you a little," I mean absolutely nothing. Not one bit.
     I don't want to hear any more Virgo bashing out there. I've heard enough. Why Virgos? Hell, why not? But everybody seems to just HATE Virgos, or find themselves romantically incompatible with Virgos, which is ridiculous, because the only definition of Virgos which is in any way acceptable is "People who have chanced to be born in a particular month who have no other connection at all, nor any universal traits." End of story.
     I don't want to hear anybody else saying "I'm a Gemini, which explains why there are all these bipolar contradictions in me!" Get the fuck over yourself, you dumb fucking hippy. Repeat after me: "the contradictions in your personality are caused by the Human Condition, not Mercury." Be it genetic or cultural, we are all plagued by so many contradictions it's amazing we're even able to grasp any sense of self-identity at all. I don't care if you're a gemini, or a scorpio with an ascendant Pisces sign, or just a regular dipshit with a tarot deck, you are many, many things at once, and do what you will to try to sort that out but please, please, please do not tell me about it.
     I also don't want anybody suggesting I take Saint John's Wort. While I may be on the verge of accepting that smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day and eating nothing but pop tarts may adversely affect my health, I am not about to say that ginkgo-biloba is a good substitute for good old fashioned erythromycin, penicillin, zithromax, or anything else the wonders of modern science has discovered with no help at all from the planet Mars. I am really serious, here: Shut up, hippy. I don't want to hear it.

gregor samsa
Magic Number5
JobLeader of the Free World
PersonalitySlacker
TemperamentSteely
SexualWhatever, Whenever, Whoever
Likely To WinThe Wrath Of My Peers
Me - In A WordEvil
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack


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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans