UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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We can ill afford
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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



Look the fuck out! It's claude le monde!



WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Tuesday, July 01, 2003
 
The internet makes certain kinds of ignorance much more indefensible. As recently as six years ago, you could sit around with your friends and have a highly amusing debate about the shape of Cap'n Crunch cereal, generating a never-ending list of amusing possibilities (or as I like to call them, "possibili-titties"). You were probably high on some kind of weed, or drunk on stupid booze with a handle. But anyfucking way, you can no longer speculate about facts, because the moment you say "I'm pretty sure the faces of a regular dodecahedron are pentagonal," I'm just gonna go on the internet and check it out. I'm not gonna argue anymore, and anyway, you were right about the pentagons. Nor can you make bold guesses; say "Dave Attell is totally gay," and somebody will show you a sparse list of google results (for +"Dave Attell" +gay) that seems to disprove your theory, because, they suppose, if Attell were gay, more people would have written about it. "But Dave Attell is totally gay," you'll insist, "just watch the show, I mean come on!" Look dude, I agree. But what's the biggie?
     Here's the biggie: over 40% of the U.S. population believes that the "Bush Administration" "misled" the public about the presence of WMDs in Iraq. Substitute the more honest "President Bush" and "lied to" within the quotes, and then ask yourself how the same citizens that failed to impeach the previous President for lying about his sex life can, as they shortly will, overlook this President's history of prevarication and economic rumphumpery and blah blah blah manipulation cakes.
     Who cares? I'm just feeling grumpy because the heat is high, the air quality is low, my expenses are large, and my penis is not vagina-shatteringly [huh?] large enough to satisfy cum-guzzling virgins [huh what?] in heat (that last bit according to my junk mail). And if, as my doctor says, only exercise will make my body feel better, why does my body shed 80% of its water after one block of what can only be called brisk strolling? My only solace is that my bones will never, ever break, because I have eaten five times my weight in Tums over the last ten years, and also that zombies hate the taste of calcium. So it's your brains first, asswads.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans