Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Seems like everybody I know who writes on the web is writing about how crappy they feel. This is discouraging mostly because it is as sure a symptom of creative laziness as writing about the weather (see my post from July 7) or capri pants. But it is distinctly encouraging because it means that it's not just me that feels like hot steaming shit. Or, for that matter, you. I feel so bad that I just want to be horizontal, but I can't get comfortable once I am. Last night I swear I almost abraded a six-foot-long hole in my sheet by twirling around and around like a dervish praying to a distant and uninterested god of comfort and peace. "Encouraged" must be the wrong word for how I feel, containing as it does that bizarre premodern string "courage," which can't apply to me. Courage? That's a quality of suicidal knights who march into battle against retardedly lopsided odds, and that only happens in stories, right? Courage is bullshit, just another tool of the king (or whatever) to keep the masses docile, like "humility," "work ethic," "heaven," and "not rising up to kill the very small amount of people in charge of keeping you miserable."
     Huh? No, I am not advocating revolution as a solution to all-over body aches. But I would advocate just about anything if I thought it had a chance of improving the human (read: my) condition. There are things you can do -- things even I could do -- to make yourself feel physically better: quit smoking, exercise, eat right BARF BARF BARF. But if you take away all the immediate, tangible causes of misery, you are left with nothing to justify the overwhelming horror that remains. I've seen it happen, so have you. Stay focused, set goals. Keep it together. There is no promise, there is no cure. There are only Band-Aids, and everyone knows that Band-Aids don't heal you, they just keep the wound out of sight and clear of dirt. In the meantime, make sure your bed is comfortable, and your living space climate-controlled. Read good books and don't watch too much TV. Then, one day, have some children, which will divert your focus for 18 solid years, robbing you of the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself (ha!). But glaargle! I already have the eyebags of a one-year-old's dad! I already have the fatigue! JUST BRING ME THE DIRTY DIAPERS AND THE ENDLESS EXPENSES! Yes, the solution: I have thunderously failed to take care of myself. Put me in charge of somebody else.
posted by Universal Donor 2:55 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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