UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:



PAGES UD MADE:

My Books Page

My Reviews Page

My Reference Page

My Music Page

My Pictures

My Store



UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

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My Flickr page

My del.icio.us page

My Last.fm page

My Amazon Wishlist




HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



Look the fuck out! It's claude le monde!



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Monday, July 07, 2003
 
Whiners want you to believe their lives are worse, much worse, a huggamajillion times worse than yours. You are meant to listen (without eye-rolling), listen more, moan appreciatively, and once you concede defeat, to pay your fee in pity. But we don't give up so easy. Don't we gamely trot out our petty miseries, lean and piebald as they seem beside the snorting, muscular stallions of the truly fucked? The contest is lost, but I will not be denied my day at the boo-hoo races.
     So it goes that I always greet poverty-based sob stories with mine about how "Dude, when I was unemployed, I ate Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch, and dinner." Yeah, it's not much, but it's mine. Unfortunately, I now realize that it was not poverty that drove the diet -- it was the FUCKING HEAT. FUCK IT. (I will limit myself to one weather-related post per week, my panting dogs, but humor me.) I cannot stand food in this weather. I will lose five pounds by the end of July, and by the end of August, you will wonder where I've gone.
     This weekend on Fire Island was like summer camp, but with less structure and no tetherball. I went swimming every day and I saw plants. I slept on uncomfortable slabs of foam. I got all greasy with the SPF 15 that people assured me was the minimum required to avoid instant screaming face cancer. I didn't worry about anything and I didn't use a phone or computer. It was heaven, and one more day of it would have driven me insane. (Whining ahead.) Now I am animated by a frantic, pulsing feeling that I have neglected some unnamed but tremendous responsibility, that there is no time, NO TIME AT ALL! What the fuck? Why must I be punished for having a relaxing weekend? Why was I bequeathed this demonic work ethic that has NOTHING TO DO WITH ACTUAL WORK? Tonight I sleep, naked and fanblown, only with the aid of Ambien. Let me sleep. I'm tired!

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OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)


Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store








MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans