Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  You can't invite bad luck by talking about your good luck, so don't tell me to knock on wood. In spite of your feel-good superstitions, my flaily impersonations of retards, while tasteless, will not cause my children to "come out retarded." Misfortune is not like Beetlejuice or the Candyman -- though they are particularly charming embodiments of the concept -- and can't be summoned like a golden retriever on the porch.
     So listen: I have never been mugged. I've never been punched. I have never been sexually assaulted. I have never been in a car accident. I have never been arrested. Dude: I've never even been stung by a bee.
     Those of you cringing in anticipation of the immediate correction of these oversights of fate can untense your stupid trapezii. I'm still here, unmugged, unstung, unraped. I've had close calls: that spinout on snowed-over Route 80; that drunken party fucktard who was staring at my mouth like it was a fisty bull's-eye; the time I was almost hit by a train. Ooh! Once I was sitting in my laundromat, waiting for my wash to finish, and I was reading the last ten pages of a Joseph Heller's Something Happened (which is key because for almost 600 pages nothing happens at all and then, at the very end, something does, and it is very very very bad), and I was so totally engrossed that it wasn't 'til I finished that I noticed the cashier at the back sort of quivering and crying. The place had just been robbed at gunpoint, with such quiet efficiency that the robber had rustled past me, gun in hand, like a dryer sheet in the wind. Hooray for literature!
     I've always said New York is really safe, sometimes by comparing it to criminal hellholes like San Francisco or D.C., but usually just on the strength of my personal experience. Well, that's stupid; anecdotal evidence is no basis for, well, anything. So I admit, now, that as a six-foot-one male with long supple arms and a frighteningly huge jaw, I have less to fear than ittle bittle puny girly you. I am free to live my life without fear, until the day I'm forced by circumstance to perceive the dangers that grandparents have always seen in hitchhikers, alleys, and bodies of water. Until then, however, I will continue to stride carelessly through throngs of Hell's Angels on my way to the roof to practice my fencing moves in a thunderstorm.
posted by Universal Donor 4:03 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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