Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  100,000 hits seems like a suitably meager milestone at which to pull off the highway of blogging for a moment, stretch my legs, squint at the road behind me, and empty my bladder all over the evolutionarily superior plant life that can survive along the edges of our nation's roadways. Of blogging, or whatever.
     To be honest, it's just 100,000 discrete page loads, so if you felt like clickity-clicking your way through another pathetic, eat-at-your-desk-and-try-not-to-get-caught-reading-pornographic-Stargate:SG-1-fanfic lunch hour, you could get me to 200,000 before sunset. But listen:
     I never wanted to say the word "blog" out loud, and I still don't. It's always like I'll say "Oh, I wrote about that on my...uh..." and somebody will be like "Your what, dude?" and I'll just stammer "my...buhbuh...um. (cough!) Um, blog." And then it's all etymology time and what a drag and where's my fucking order of papadam already?
     But whether or not I can say "blog," I still do it. And why? The usual reasons: I need something to look forward to during a daily routine of deskwork; I hate the idea that my witty ideas would be wasted on single individuals in emails; I enjoy heaping scorn on strangers in a medium that, due to its limited reach, seems to have no real consequences; I like to eat babies. The fact that many of my most loyal readers are also bloggers/diarists/journalists/fucktards of whose sites I am a loyal reader makes me feel like I have the acceptance of a nebulous and far-flung peer group. Basically, I need attention like a zombie needs brains, like toilets need poo. And just wandering around New York spraying my personality on people in a 20-foot radius... well, it wasn't enough. And you're invisible, mostly, you reader you, so I can't see the frowns of disappointment or hurt.
     But sometimes it's like being married, goddamnit! I owe you something, every day. Hell yes I left my socks on the coffee table! Shut up! You get the kids today, it's YOUR TURN. Yes, I fucked the babysitter! I'm going OUT. I love you folks, but sometimes I feel you pressing on my sternum like a Cadillac SRX (coming Fall 2003).
     Anyway, where the fuck is Gregor? Posting perfectly funny stories on his LiveJournal, that's where. Asshat. I'm going to Providence, but I'll be back Monday. Please be good.
posted by Universal Donor 9:29 AM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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