Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I am a failure at dreaming. I don't have nightmares, which is okay with me on the surface, but I understand that it means I'm denied part of the rich variety of sleep experience, and it's another sign of my emotional dwarfism. But my real failure is more terrible than your foulest goo-dripping polyheaded bogeyman, and the more I think about it, the more worried I get.
     Shouldn't my conscience stay out of my dreams? Shouldn't my superego go on a temporary vacation when I drift off? Shouldn't my dreams differ, in some appreciable way, from my real life? Because they don't. Hardly at all. The ONLY thing I can recall from last night's dream was a bit where I put down a water bottle with too much force, splashing some drops onto a Yamaha synthesizer. I immediately got up and unplugged the keyboard to prevent a short circuit that could have damaged the machine.
     WHAT THE FUCK? Can my brain just allow me to be reckless or irresponsible for one hot minute? I swear that I have had numerous dreams which might have ended up as the wet variety, except for the fact that I refused to have sex with some dream woman because I didn't have any dream condoms. Oh yes. That's right. I have also abstained from numerous dream antics because a) they involved the destruction of property or b) I had to get up early for work the next day. Say what? Unbe-fucking-lieveable.
     You see the problem here. My dream life is essentially indistinguishable from my real life, and perhaps even more dull. Sure, there are rich scenes in fantastic, physics-defying locales, but what's the point if I can't fuck a mermaid now and then? Or if I stop flying up and down staircases to take an antihistamine? This is why I'm insomniac -- I've got nothing to look forward to. (Well, I'm fairly sure that my back doesn't hurt in my dreams, but then again, I also seem to remember spending some dreamtime doing stretches.) What does it say about me that I live by a strict moral code in the one place where I'm expected not to? Yes, okay. Say it along with anthrochica: Control Freak. I am a stupid, awful, unrelenting control freak.
     Please dream about me, my solemn dogs, and tell me about all the adventures I have in your dreams, because mine are shite. ZP shared a wonderful dream about me -- I can't recall the details, but I think I was a Sex Pirate. Now we're talking. Tell me more, friends. More.
posted by Universal Donor 4:06 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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