UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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We can ill afford
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to me! And that number
is:



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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



Look the fuck out! It's claude le monde!



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, September 10, 2003
 
No post tomorrow, because my bosses gave us the day off for September 11. This is yet another aspect of why my job is cool. It's funny -- one of the bosses tried to justify the day off as a security concern, saying "I'm not worried about terrorists per se. Real ones. I'm more worried about our homegrown crazies. Because we're so close to Grand Central, and who knows what kind of weirdo is just gonna flip his lid on the anniversary and do something stupid, and I don't want us in the office if something like that happens, not that I think anything will happen, but just in case, I'd just rather y'all were safe at home, and not here, at the office, so close to so many potential targets. You know? It's the homegrown crazies you gotta worry about," and so on for about fifteen minutes. He repeated the term "homegrown crazies" so many times, it was like he was rehearsing something, or like maybe that thing happened where a word sounds wrong when you say it too much (Michelob. Michelob. Michelob. Michelob. Mickle-oab. Mickel-oab. Michelob. Mick-a-lobe. Mikka-lobe? Mickle-lowba. Macka-lacka. Mams mams mamsa!).
     But really, you see, he was trying to find a way to justify wanting a day off work for emotional reasons -- without copping to his emotions. (Oh yeah, he's the lawyer in the office.) Like he can't just say "We should have a day off because something horrible happened here two years ago and it's traditional to observe such anniversaries with solemnity, reflection, and without working," because even that is too emo for his ass!
     Dudes, I love going to work. If I had to stay home all day and make music, or write, or get paid to create beautiful things, I would inflate to Jabba-size and die of frantic apathy within a year. I looove work like Robin, Claudia, Claire, [insert everyone else in world's name here, separated by commas] and Maggie hate it. And I am not going to work tomorrow. Even if I didn't have the day off, I wouldn't come in. And the fact that I hate what is being done in the name of nanalala only amplifies the tragedy, while cheapening it at the same time.
     Tomorrow is my day to be sad, my one day of the year. If you feel like it, I'll be having a picnic with some friends by the picnic house in Prospect Park tomorrow, noon, nanalala.

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The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha




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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans