Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  And then there's this article from the ever-intriguing MSN "Dating & Personals" Section, which hotmail is always throwing in my face: "Gentlemen prefer... brains?" Unfortunately, the article doesn't mention zombies even once. It's "about" how "guys" prefer "smart" girls to "pretty" girls. This dubiously pat conclusion was reached through a highly scientific experiment where they asked e-dating men whether they would prefer beauty or brains in the "perfect long-term partner."
     Wha? How exactly is that kind of "poll" conducted? Maybe they showed them two jars -- one containing a boob and one containing a brain -- and they were like "pick one of these jars to weigh down your stack of pornos," and then hit the men in the nuts with a hammer until they made a choice?
     Are men who use online dating services really America's best source for generalized info about male behavior? How 'bout we interview America's comic-book store clerks and ask them if they prefer women with psychic powers or women who can fly?
     Fake-ass binary methodology aside, and ignoring the fact that it's all stupid fucktardation, I'm just not sure at whom this article is targeted. Who is suprised by the "results," and who is supposed to be heartened by it? Let's examine the possibilities:
Smart, Pretty girls (SP), if they're smart and pretty enough, are not reading dating columns -- they're reading Universal Donor. Maybe this article is meant to discourage SPs from hiding their brains. Of course, the best way to do this is to saw off the top of their skulls.
Smart, Ugly girls (SU) are probably the main target of the article, and are going to be frustrated by the trite and condescending oversimplification of the act of attraction. Then they will look in the mirror, mumbling their SAT scores out loud while making the sultriest faces they can muster. Then they will read books in which muscular hunks rape (and eventually fall in love with) smart ugly women.
Dumb, Pretty girls (DP) don't need dating services, and probably can't use the internet because they can't see through the film of semen coating their eyeballs.
Dumb, Ugly girls (DU) can only feel terrible when they read the article (just as they feel terrible when they read women's magazines, or watch TV, or when they step outside the house), because in MSN's view they have nothing to offer the world. Take heart, DUs! You are not useless! Our cities need crack whores, and our meat processing plants need people who can sort hog knuckles! And please don't forget that even though you are repulsive to every living thing, Jesus still loves you. Yay Jesus! He'll fuck anybody, once they get to heaven! Pray hard! Yay! Yay! Yay!
posted by Universal Donor 2:40 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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