Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Well, unlike half of my readership, I don't have mono and I don't plan on getting it, so I'm going out tonight dressed as an artist's rendering of famous terrorist. Is this a bad idea? Am I asking for trouble? I'll have a package, tied up with string and addressed to a Computer Science professor at MIT, and at some point I will have to ride the subway. There will be a huggamajillion police officers on the street tonight, and they're at some kind of ultra-twitchy Department of Homeland Security MegaVigilant Supersaturated 100% Magenta Alert level. I don't want to trigger some kind of automatic wanted-poster-related target practice reflex in one of those ephedrine-popping third shifters.
     The problem with cops? No sense of humor. They have other problems, but you can trace them all to the humor thing. It would be fun, on Halloween, to pretend that every cop you see is just a dude dressed up as a cop. You know, you grab his gun and say "freeze, pig! You have the right to eat a bowl of dick!" and then fire a couple of shots in the air. Ha! I think you could get away with it, too. Just explain to the judge that it was an honest mistake: "the guy was waaay too fat to have passed a police physical and waaaaaay too stupid to have passed a written test -- or at least it seemed that way when I heard him screaming racist epithets at the gay dude he was beating to death." And when you address the judge, say "your honor" with little finger quotes, as if you think he's just in costume too. And you should keep looking around the courtroom with a smirk, checking under tables and such, and let it be known that you believe the whole proceeding is just part of a hidden camera reality show.
     Then, when you're in jail, you can try the same thing with the guards and Big Sam, your affectionate roommate: "you better keep your big mitts off me, Sam, or I'm'a shank you in the yard tomorrow! With a shiv I made! Right here in 'the joint!' No, you shut up! Ha ha!" Then you can mock the coroner's long white "dress!"
     Um... sorry. I'm gonna wait til I get to the party to put on the costume, maybe. Have fun, kids. And check out the pix page for a new mustache theory pic.
posted by Universal Donor 5:04 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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