Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I spent the weekend catsitting for my parents at their loft in SoHo, and I realized some things about myself. The heat wasn't working properly, so to keep warm I started organizing some of the giant piles of books and assorted crap that cover every surface of the place. Realization one: I am the kind of person who organizes stuff when he's bored. This is handy characteristic if you work in a library, but if you want to have any kind of life at all you are going to have to learn to go out and do stuff with other people. But as I shoved prosciutto, cheese, and smoked whitefish into my mouth by the handful (my mom is on the Atkins, otherwise known as the Magic Diet of Bacon and Butter) and tried to decide whether the four books of ghost stories deserved their own distinct position on the shelf or whether they should be inserted alphabetically by editor into the short story section of the bookcase, I felt at peace.
     This has something to do with being a control freak, you'll say, and my desire to impose order on chaos, which is also part of the more universal fear of disorder/ decay/ death. But I also did a lot of dusting, which seems to be the opposite of order-imposition: you take a bunch of stationary dust and slap it willy-nilly into the atmosphere like unfestive confetti. What do you say to that, Dr Pat Assessment?
     Both my parents are unrepentant pack rats. My dad has legitimized it by becoming a "book collector," but my mom has no such organizing principle. On Saturday, I needed a shoebox to hold a bunch of crap I found on a shelf (which crap could obviously not be discarded), so I looked in the "box department," a closet-sized shrine to containment. I found a perfect box, but it wasn't empty. I opened it, only to find: smaller boxes! Oh God. It's sick, but it made total sense to me... BECAUSE I HAVE A BOX JUST LIKE IT AT MY HOUSE.
      So realization two is that I am my parents' child, for despite all the mailman jokes, I am undeniably the heir to their hoarding gene. I have labored to fight this tendency like an alcoholic CEO fighting to put off his first, delicious glass of scotch until 10am. When cleaning my room, I always ask "do I really need this beat-up fake gold and enamel cigarette case that's too small to hold cigarettes? Or this photocopy of a drawing of five types of sailor's knots? Or this rusted pulley? Or this scrap of paper with a drawing of a clown? Or this bag of hair? Jesus god, do I really need a bag of hair?!?" The answer is often "yes, definitely," but at least I asked.
     I am not foolish enough to think I can escape my fate. It would be like thinking you could stop a zombie from eating your brain with gentle pleading. From now on, everyone who comes to my house must take away one piece of crap, and leave behind a naked Polaroid of themselves. Together, we can make a difference.
posted by Universal Donor 4:27 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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