Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  So I went to the slowest doctor in the world again today. My appointment was for 2pm, so I brought two volumes of À la recherche du temps perdu and settled into the waiting room. After forty minutes of dozing in the chair, I asked a receptionoid to put me in an exam room so that I could lie down and have a little napper. She looked at me funny, but I pointed to the wiggly comic book pain lines emanating from my spine, and she agreed.
     I took a nap, and it was quite peaceful until the doctor came in to harsh my fucking mellow... at 3:15pm (or 1515 hrs, for those of you who are AWOL after a home leave from sunny Tikrit). I tell ya folks, my doctor is so slow... [how slow, etc?] Well, see I brought my son in for his Dip/Tet? And by the time she showed up he had grown up and become a discipline problem and I had sent him to military school! Damn that's a long wait! Thanks, folks. Tip your waitress, she works hard.
     No but so what. Thing is: I heard these to jocktards talking in the elevator, speaking confidentially at a volume that could only be called a "whisper" in a crowded football stadium.
JT1: Dude. She stuck a needle in it?
JT2: Uh-huh.
JT1: Dude! Wow. You OK?
JT2: Uh. I'm a little dizzy, ackshly.
JT1: Yeah, you look... um... d'it hurt?
JT2: Uh. Burned a little.
JT1: No! No, man! Whoa! Fuck!
JT2: ...
JT1: In your nutsack? Dude!
JT2: Gabba burble. (almost falls down as elevator doors open.)
     So I suppose things would be worse. I walked away with a referral for more Physical Therapy, and Jocky McSweatpants got a Hot Nut Injection (HNI). Um, a HotShot to the NutSack (HSNS)? I can't imagine what kind of ailment would require a shot in the balls, and it is my devout hope that some doctor was just having a little fun. Getting a hot smidgen of revenge on the jocks of the world for all the wedgies and titty twisters in the playground. Ha! Zap!
posted by Universal Donor 5:27 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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