Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Regardless of how you feel about the capture and nurse's-office-lice-checking of Saddam Hussein, I think we can all agree that Rupert Murdoch is a fat fucking retarded fuckbag. Why do I say that? Well I don't even need to look at the New York Post to know that the cover story's lead is something like "Saddam Found in Ittle-Bitty Hidey-Hole Wearing Apron and Tending Plot of Daisies." I understand that there is a huge market for "news" stories that insult the principals, but this type of reportage assumes a mean and nasty segment of the population that doesn't know any better. You can show a man a good article, or you can give him a subscription to the fish. Paper. Whatever. Objective reporting is dry, dull, and honest -- BO-RING! -- but it preassumes that the intelligence of its reader surpasses that of a spatula. I assume no such thing about you, reader. I'm'a flip my flapjax wit' yo ass. Unh!
     I watched the preview for Errol Morris's upcoming documentary about Robert McNamara, The Fog of War, and then I wasted about half an hour at Sony's home page for the movie. McNamara talks about how the key to ending the Cuban Missle Crisis was a sudden attack of empathy experienced by JFK. Like it took a little girl walking up to the white house with a lollipop, or a puppy, or a lollipop shaped like a puppy, to make THE LEADERS OF THE WORLD think for a moment about what other human beings might be feeling. The intelligence community can tell us what people are thinking, sure. We clearly need an emotional CIA.
     I don't know, but shouldn't empathy be a required skill taught in school? Like, for everybody? What good is school anyway? People envy those who have more than them and are disgusted by those who have less. You shouldn't envy fame, wealth, or power, because look what you become: Rupert Murdoch. Or Colin Farrell, or Fred Durst, or Andie MacDowell. Can people really envy these hapless fucktards? Please imagine the hell of daily Farrelldom. And for Jesus's sake, how can you hate poor people? Just stop a second and ask yourself that question. Fuck!
     I'm going to build a schadenfreudist detector. It'll be a lapel button with a fucking laser in it, yeah? If I'm walking down the street and the button sees you laugh at somebody who trips on a sidewalk crack -- you know, that barking little lip-fart laugh that in kindergarten would have been accompanied by a raised arm and pointed finger -- the button will take your balls or ovaries away, because you are not allowed to reproduce. If you've already reproduced, the button will take your children, too. Then I will make a delicious ovaritesticle tart, smothered in hot baby brains. Brains! BRAAINNNSSS!!
posted by Universal Donor 5:32 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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