Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  All I want to do on the subway is read. Sit down and read. Maybe sleep sometimes. But before I have coffee, I definitely don't want to talk to strangers. I don't even want to talk to friends. But this morning I get through two pages before a manky white dude in his mid-50s says excuse me.
     "Hi. Yeah. Can I just ask your opinion on something?"
     "Sure," I say, using my finger to hold my place in the book.
     "Are sunglasses funny on a day like this?"
     Huh?
     "Um, you mean does the world look funny through sunglasses today?" I ask.
     "No, no. I mean, I'm going to a meeting with some music bisuness people and I wanted to know are these glasses okay?" He puts on some $5 drugstore shades, which look pretty ridiculous under his leather hat with "fur"-lined earflaps.
     "Those look great on you. Perfect. No problem." I turn hopefully to my book. There is a five second pause before --
     "Hey do you listen to music? Yeah? What kind?"
     "All kinds," I say, knowing this will be painful.
     "You listen to Hip Hop? Yes? Really? Can I show you something?" Going into his satchel for a high-school-style presentation folder with a stack of laser-printed lyric sheets printed on ridiculous mottled "nice" paper. "They're all raps I wrote, they're all anti-drug, anti-violence. I got a meeting with Tommy Mottola and later in the week with Russell Simmons." He shows me the first rap.
     Man, they were terrible. So utterly bogus that I cannot even recall a single line, except the credit at the top of each sheet that said "written by Jason Swartz" or something. He's telling me about the group he's putting together like he's Lou Perlman squared: "I got this one black kid to sing, sixteen years old, and a hispanic, and a jamaican girl, and this french guy. Fantastic. You gotta know somebody in this biz, but I'm gonna walk up to the guy's secretary and say "I got an album here that could sell more than Thriller, so if I'm crazy, send me to Bellvue, but if I'm not, you'd better make sure your boss takes a look at this.' It's the positive message that's so good. I'm also talking to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America."
     The lyrics are like some white guy's idea of rap if he had only heard rap during 1987. I ask him if he listens to a lot of recent hip hop.
     "Nah," whispering now, "I can't stand the stuff."
     "Really."
     "Oh yeah. It's garbage. But this is great, really positive. Lemme do one for ya called 'Joe the Alcoholic.'" At which point he does, he raps his little song about how wicked awesome AA is, right there on the train. I told him it sounded great. He'll find out otherwise soon enough. Oh god. "Dude," I say, "you should really try listening to some hip hop. There are some rappers -- just, you know. Listen to it. Turn on your radio."
     "Really?" he asks, wrinkling his nose like he smells dogshit on my shoe. "I dunno."
posted by Universal Donor 5:01 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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