Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I hope you're all reading for what my imaginary friend Eric calls "a big fucking edgy transgressive expectation-subverting surprise": today's post is a total mess. I've been all over the internet like cold sores on frat house lips, and I want to show you some things.
     Some of you have heard of Seanbaby, who is a genius, but few of you have heard of Bowtied Duckfoot Adoracubbies, which he invented to trump all other beings, real or imaginary, in the contest for cutest thing ever. They are truly hideous. I am so tired.
     Now check out this page I found on the US Army's sprawlingly ginormous web presence: Distinctive Unit Insignia. Oh sweet lord. Apparently half of the pentagon budget goes to developing and describing special heraldic tchotchkes for EVERY FUCKING UNIT OF THE ARMED FORCES. I am swooning. Check out the overhyped insignia of the Dental units, the jolly camaraderie of the Finance units, and the truly creepy symbols employed by the Psychological Battalions. For those readers too lazy to click, here's a typical description, written by a monkey on crack, or a heraldry expert:

A Gold color metal and enamel device 1 1/8 inches (2.86 cm) in height overall consisting of a shield blazoned: Argent, a saltire Gules fimbriated Or cantoned by four mullets Azure, overall a dragon segreant Vert, armed and langued of the third. Attached below the shield a cobalt blue scroll inscribed "DEFENSORI VISIUM" in Gold.

Somebody please give me a hot jellied break, please.
     On a lighter note, if tired incest jokes are your idea of light, you can order up some awesome Appalachian instruction, because you always wanted to be 'shine-huffin' cousin-pumpin' tooth-losing hill folk, am I right? SHUT UP AND SAY YES. Then go ahead and order the Beginning Appalachian Dulcimer video, or the awkwardly titled Beginning the Appalachian Autoharp video.
     Then wake up to a cup of robot tea and just hope to hot fuck the machine hasn't introduced some kinda SkyNet-devised mycotoxin into your Irish Breakfast. Then somebody please kill me, except not, because I'm just tired, is all, and the last thing I need is one of you earnest, eager-to-please, never-commenting lurkers to take me for serious and put a bullet in my abdomen when I finally fall asleep. Chill out.
posted by Universal Donor 5:54 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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